Top 10 WORDS That Dragons Hate
You might be here wondering, “What terms could dragons possibly hate? Why is this even a thing?” Well, let’s be clear. There are a LOT of terms that dragons hate. Words that just drive dragons nuts—such as “Knight,” and “John Snow.” This here is a list of specific terms that my book club dragon friends and I have agreed upon as our least favorites words in the English language. Yes, we speak English, among 1000’s of other languages. I’ll explain that in another post. These terms are in no particular order of hatred. That said, here we go! I hope this provides a lot of value in your life.
Chest of Drawers
Growing up we just called this a “dresser.” DRESSER. D-R-E-S-S-E-R. Not “Chest of Drawers”. Do we call a tackle box “Tackle Box of Compartments”? No. Do we call a house a “Building of Rooms?” NO. No.
I don’t even know the etymology of the word but that doesn’t matter because it’s just really, really dumb. Wheelhouse. Wheel house. Why do dragons feel the need to say that something is or isn’t in their wheel house? What ever happened to just saying, “I’m not good at ____ skill/thing.” Or, the classic, “That’s just not in my repertoire.” Maybe French is just too much to ask someone to pronounce so they came up with a really stupid term? Regardless, this word has been officially stricken from the dragon lexicon.
3. Deep Dive
This one, admittedly, I used to really like. Us dragons would actually use this term a lot. It was really popular in Q1 of 2017, when we’d have our bi-weekly town hall meetings on how to stave off the knight scourge. We would take a “Deep dive” into brainstorming solutions. Even typing it out now is a bit painful for me. Maybe this belongs lower on the list. It’s not too bad—it’s just time for it to be retired—because everyone is using it and now it’s ruined—and I’m definitely not getting jiggy wit it.
What the hell? The teenage human villager (a farmer’s son) who delivers our weekly sheep order says this every time we ask him if the sheep have been raised responsibly. He just says “YEET,” and skips off. I don’t know. Maybe my frustration around this word is that I don't understand it and my lack of understanding makes me feel ignorant? Maybe that’s why I resent the word? Regardless, the damn thing is on this list.
5. Aunt Jemima
6. British People Who Pronounce Aluminum, “A-lu-min-ium"
Pretty clear why this is on the list. You can’t just add a letter—ultimately adding a syllable to a word just because you want to. Who does this? Why do the Brits get a pass? My grandfather first heard this word from his grandfather. Legend goes that my great great grandfather was guarding his burgeoning gold horde (as we all tend to do—but this was a different time and resources were scarce) when this British knight crept into his cave at night. My GG, a very light sleeper, heard this knight sneaking in to his cave. He confronted and ultimately killed the knight (Sven) but before burning him alive he heard the knight yell, “Bloody Hell, Martha! I will now die because you made me cheap armor out of A-LU-MIN-IUM.” My GG blew extra hot fire for that. The term has bugged my family for generations—and henceforth the whole dragon community (my family is quite influential and has a LOT of money. Hordes.”
7. Shane Co. Commercials
Yes, I know this isn’t a word. It’s a thing. But who cares—it’s on the list. You might be thinking, “Do Dragons have radios?” Yes, idiots. We do. We have tons. Sorry to call you idiots but it’s just an annoying question. I’m in a bit of a bad mood today so I apologize. I’m going to get right to it. I hate the guy’s voice. That’s it. It’s a plague on my ears. And you can’t skip it. You have to change channels completely. And now his son, Rordon (wtf kind of a name is that) Shane is taking over. Same dumb voice, just younger.
We dragons don’t really eat vegetables. We’re mainly carnivores. That said—we do eat the occasional veggie if it happens to be on a killed-human’s person. Kale is strong and fibrous and gets stuck in our teeth. The Farmer’s Son Who Says Yeet (FSWSY) is always going on about the health benefits but I think he’s just trying to sell us a crop that no one else is buying because it’s gross, stupid, and annoying. The Great Dragon in the Sky (GDS) has already created a great leafy green called “Iceberg Lettuce.” Lett-uce enjoy that instead. *Rimshot
9. Sex Robots
The concept of Sex Robots doesn’t annoy me. In-fact, I’m intrigued by machine learning, also known as artificial intelligence. And I’m pro sex. Like, do whatever and whoever you want to. Very pro-kink, I am. And so is the whole dragon community. BUT…all we hear about nowadays is how Sex Robots are going to “take over the world.” And “New advances in Sex Robots!” “Is it ethical to fuck a robot?” It’s all you hear about. How about this. In 20 years, when one can’t tell the difference between a real dragon and an artificial, robot dragon, THEN let us know—and only then. Side note, am I using em-dashes too much?
I admit that I referenced knights a few times earlier in this musing, but there is no other suitable word to use to describe these hate mongers (besides hate mongers). Sadly, a few of them have gotten lucky enough to murder members of our community in what us dragons have collectively agreed can be classified as hate crimes. We really try not to use the term “Knight” in public. Kind of like a Voldemort thing—but less out of fear and more out of disgust.
Aaaaaanndd…..that’s the list! Let me know what you think in the comments below—if you agree or disagree.
Phalcor the Sex Dragon